Dear blank, Please blank

Dear John Deer,

Your tractor is not that sexy.

Sincerely,
Then Penguins
-----------------------

Dear Chick-fil-a cows,

You don't see us in McDonalds commercials. I thought we were all in this together. Backstabbers.

Sincerely,
Chickens
-----------------------

Dear kid with a magnifying glass,

This is called an ant farm, not a slaughter house.

Sincerely,
Ants
-----------------------

Dear PETA,

How'd ya get that blood? We say spare us and let them wear the mink.

Sincerely,
Pigs
-----------------------

Dear Hipsters,

Thanks for bringing graphic sweaters back.

Sincerely,
Bill Cosby
-----------------------

Dear cheerleaders,

When your bow is smaller than your head you can join the club.

Sincerely,
Athletes
-----------------------

Dear Bento,

You just named your restaurant "lunchbox".

Sincerely,
The Japanese Language
-----------------------

Dear calories,

Please stop shrinking my clothes while I sleep.

Sincerely,
Girl
-----------------------

Dear Frat Pledge,

See you in eight weeks.

Sincerely,
Your pride
-----------------------

Dear FedEx,

Place the package in the shade.

Sincerely,
The Gingers
-----------------------

Dear Columbus,

Thanks for "discovering" us.

Sincerely,
The Natives
-----------------------

Dear drunkass,

See you later.

Sincerely,
Your dinner